Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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