Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
