My Higher Power is John Stamos
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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