like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
