I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
