You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
