i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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