Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
