Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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