All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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