Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
