I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
