the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
