U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We left the knife in your bed.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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