So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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