turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
