Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
