I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The adults are the big ones right?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
