she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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