I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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