Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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