Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
