On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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