Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
