i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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