his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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