Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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