i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
