Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
