she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
