ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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