youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
