I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
this is an emotional support booty call
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
