It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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