Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
