Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
