considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
