I think i peed on brittanys purse
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
