i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
