I want to stick my p in your. b.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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