i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
