Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
