He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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