I cannot find my penis.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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