Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
