:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
