Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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