Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
