The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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