I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
