Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
