people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
