apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
