Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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