fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
