The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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