I'm really into asian looking animals
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
