covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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