I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
