I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
