either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
