Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We talked him into tasing himself.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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