She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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