We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
